Toddlers, Twins, and Stethescopes

Simile

2010-07-19T21:07:00.002-04:00

My belly button looks like a cat's butt.

Things that make you go 'hmmmm?'

2010-07-17T00:27:00.004-04:00

My search results from ebay:

"Sexy Maternity shirt" (really? I mean, seriously?)

"Extra small maternity pants" (go feed your baby a cheeseburger!)

"Super Comfy Maternity pajamas" (Aw, crap! Its my pajamas that have been keeping me up all night??? Who knew!?!?)

"Nursing Intimates" (riiigggghhht... exactly what I want to be doing while lactating!)

"Juicy Couture Maternity sweats" (awesome! more sweating! this time with a whoppin' pricetag of $139)

"Breastfeeding Essentials" (just a shot in the dark here - but I'm gonna guess boobs and a baby)

"Mommy to be 'Stork' panties" (sometimes, during the day, I forget I'm pregnant too... so a dazzling reminder on one of my 782 trips to pee would be just dandy)

Catch up...

2010-07-13T22:39:00.004-04:00

Some of you have seen these (who am I kidding? Most of you have seen these)... but here they are again, nonetheless....

And there you have it. 9 weeks to 23 weeks (skipping a few here and there). I was told yesterday that - under no circumstances - would I have to carry beyond October 22nd. I attempted a quick negotiation for 'not beyond October 15th' but the Dr. played the 'God' card and, well, that means I got trumped. But - considering that I already measure 35 weeks, he eluded to the fact that I probably would get my wish, regardless.

Its Late.... but necessary

2010-07-09T01:08:00.002-04:00

Ahem...
I would start by saying that "I was wrong." But that would go against everything I believe in, so lets do the right thing and BLAME the Ultrasound lady. She was WRONG!!!! I have dual-penis-proof. TWO BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And its necessary that I update tonight so that my friends at the Knocked Up Blog can see that my blog actually works (contrary to what you all may believe these days).

Oh - and because I'm being oh-so-impressive... I've even attached a knocked up photo of myself. See? Its nice when I try to impress those higher than me, no???

I have a secret.....

2010-05-02T21:52:00.003-04:00

I know the sex of the babies........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
they are...
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
a boy!
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
and......
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
a girl!

The trip that keeps on going....

2010-04-19T11:21:00.003-04:00

As I was on a flight last night from Atlanta to Fort Myers, the guy sitting next to me asked, "Are you going home? or away from home?"
Hmmmm.
Good question, my not-so-much-Friend. Technically, my husband and child are in Atlanta. However, my work is still in Florida.
I played the 'vague' card and answered with "I don't know."
He didn't ask any more questions. And, quite frankly, I was okay with that.

Sleepless in Florida

2010-04-13T06:30:00.002-04:00

I don't remember too much about being pregnant with Ava. I have mental snapshots of the pregnancy - then, of course, faint memories of the end. But, then again, I'm not sure if I confuse actual memories with stories that have been told time and time again throughout the past 5 years. The point is - one of the things I DO remember (or think I do) is the sleep. I often referred to pregnant-sleep as "the best sleep ever." So I was far from happy when - the day I found out I was pregnant again - I had a miserable night of sleep. I tossed. I was hot. I was cold. Fast forward six weeks... nothing has changed. Every night is a restless night. And every day is an exhausting day.

"Florida" comes to an end for Fred and Ava in 2 days. Everything is packed up. I love to hear the two of them talk about the BIG ADVENTURE they're going to take on Thursday in a moving truck. They go on-and-on about what color the truck will be (I have a pretty good idea that its yellow... but no way am I bursting their bubble on this one), how they will sit up higher than all of the other cars, and all of the junk food they'll eat along the way. (Nevermind the fact that this daydream will probably come crashing down on my poor kid before they reach Tampa... but, hey - its a good thought.)

for Me

2010-04-09T19:34:00.003-04:00

I almost broke away. No more posts. Not because I wanted to... but moreso because I didn't have the time to. I've finished classes. I spend my days (some VERY long days, at that!) brown-nosing various doctors with the hopes that they write 'meets expectations' on my final forms. I have 4 months until graduation. But that's just secondary news around our house.
We're once again surrounded by boxes. In 6 days - we're moving. Back to Georgia, that is. Poor Florida - it didn't stand a chance after the first miserably hot summer. Folks, Florida is for vacation. Period. (okay - wait. Maybe if you are fortunate enough to live on the water, with a swimming pool, and own a boat... then perhaps you may win the "Florida rules!" argument. Otherwise - I win.)Our move is complicated. Very complicated. Lets just say: Fred and Ava are moving before me. I'll jet-set back and forth for a few weeks. Then we'll all 'abandon' our new home for 6 weeks to go live with my mom. Make sense? ... didn't think so.
But you see... the move is even MORE complicated by the fact that we haphazardly signed a lease on a two bedroom apartment (based on the fact that, well, we have no clue where we really want to live. Oh - and based on the fact that neither of us work. but whatever). I say 'haphazardly' because, well, the trump-card-news in all of this is......... I'm pregnant. With twins. 9 weeks. We saw them on Ultrasound today (for the third time). They were growing, healthy, and kicking all over the place. Shall we play FAQs? 1) yes I used fertility drugs (not because I necessarily have fertility problems, but I was rather impatient) 2) yes I plan on finishing school (duh!) 3) yes I'll transfer my care in the middle of my pregnancy 4) yes I'll wait until after they're born to get a job 5) no I don't have a job lined up (hello, last thing on my mind, thankyouverymuch). Anything else???
So - Fred and I have frantically been trying to 'change' our moving plans at the last minute. As in, looking for a larger place. We'll see....
I love reading through old posts on Ava's infancy. I love the photos. So I hope to post more here for the twins.... Speaking of Ava - she starts Kindergarten in 4 months. She is ready. SOOO ready. I am too. She needs other kids to entertain her.... because the thought of continuing to play Littlest Pet Shop for eternity is not so appealing....

Not a Jehovah's Witness

2009-08-22T13:48:00.002-04:00

Its 10 am on a Saturday morning... your doorbell rings. Its a 20-something (and quite nerdy looking, but hey - lets be nice, right?) guy. He's selling books. Thats great and wonderful, and all, but... I kinda got an attitude with him. I didn't MEAN to... but, tell me... what would YOU say if this was his 'sales pitch.'

Sales Kid: Hi, I'm (whoever) and I'm from out of the country. I love kids. I see you have a child. Whats her name?
Me (hesitantly): Ava
Him: Very nice. How old?
Me (giving him the evil eye): shes 4.
Him: And what school does she go to?
Me: I'm sorry... who are you?
Him: I'm getting to that. What school did you say she goes to?
Me: Are you selling something?
Him: If you'd let me explain.... Now, do you have any other children.
Me: Okay, I'm sorry, I don't know you and I'm not going to indulge your sales pitch with information about my children. I'm going to go inside.
Him: Are you in a bad mood?
Me: (staring at him, blankly, wondering what PLANET he is from)
...door slam...

Moments later...
Fred: You were MEAN to him!!!!

Point being: my husband is BRAVE... very very very BRAVE in his old age....

Time Out

2009-08-20T21:19:00.003-04:00

The longest blogger break ever, right? And I ALMOST didn't come back. ALMOST. But that certainly doesn't mean that I didn't spend countless hours composing posts to you strangers. So - there!

Thanks to the adorable Shanda - I was made aware that my blog had some creepy pop up asking you to enter a name/password, which simply means that my attempt to hack into your computers and steal your social security numbers failed. So - I am hoping that little problem is solved and you no longer see that little thing-a-ma-jig. If you do - you can click CANCEL and I'll only be able to access your date of birth, mother's maiden name, and driver's license number. So just click CANCEL.

Now... lets see... where should I begin? Oh wait. Yes, yes, I deleted all of those mind-posts and decided to start anew with fresh info. Because 'catching' you up would be miserably boring and then you'd have to pretend to care. And well, lets not pretend, okay?

Oh, but I MUST tell you... I am OFFICIALLY done with 'class.' Granted, I still have a YEAR of working for free in not-my-chosen-hospitals throughout the state, but - HEY - I'm done with the classroom! yay me!

Lastly... I'm tinkering with twitter. So if you see weird things - sorry.

OHHHHHH... one more.... you have a tinnnnyy bit of time to visit here: www.laurennicolegifts.com Okay, well, you have FOREVER to visit there, but there is a precious giveaway going on and if you want to enter THAT, then you have until midnight tonight. So - go! And buy me something.

Want gifts??

2009-06-10T09:48:00.001-04:00

See Lindsay - who is having a MASSIVE bloggy giveaway!

2009-06-02

2009-06-02T09:44:00.001-04:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

The one with all the photos

2009-05-24T19:50:00.005-04:00

Preschool graduation, Baby!

Ava and her class performing.

Ava's artwork. They had a little 'art show' where they displayed all of their pieces throughout the year. (No wonder I haven't received any of these yet! :-) )

Her teacher made them get a book and sit down while all of the parents made their way from the chapel into the classroom. Of course, Miss Princess insisted that I sit with her and read to her.

Ava and her principal.

Class art.

The Fashion Club. Fred (who drops her off each morning) says that these girls get together every morning and pick each other apart, regarding their clothes! We have ALL tried talking to them... useless. Girls are girls, I guess! :-)

Each student won a ribbon for something they've done throughout the year....

Any guesses what Ava's was?

"Most Musical." Thats's right. My child won a ribbon for singing. nonstop.

Tired and Emotional

2009-05-16T22:00:00.005-04:00

The home next to mine has been empty for nearly 3 months now. It has a 'for rent' sign in the upstairs bedroom window, but the phone number isn't legible. Last night, I had a nightmare. Not just a 'scary dream,' but, rather - a dream that affected me enough to cause me to scream and thrash around helplessly for a good 30 seconds before I could be broken out of it. I don't recall exactly what I was dreaming about, but I do know that in the early morning hours I was convinced, without any logical reasoning, that someone was living - unauthorized - in that home.

Yesterday, Ava had her end-of-the-year preschool program. Thankfully, Fred and I had front row seats so no one could see the two of us bawling our eyes out while our little girl sang loud and clear.

This morning - after my miserable night - Ava had a gymnastics meet. Gymnastics tends to be a 'Fred thing.' If it were up to me, I can almost certainly say that we would have bailed a long time ago. But he's faithfully carted her to weekly practices for nearly 2 1/2 years. That being said, I don't often get to SEE her perform outside of the bounds of cart-wheeling in the front yard. I was incredibly impressed this morning. She was so graceful as she meticulously performed the floor routine she had worked on for the past 6 months. And when she stepped up to receive her medal and roses - you bet we were bawling again!

This afternoon, amidst my exhaustion, Fred approached me with a cautious - timid - air about him. His voice got soft as he pulled a chair up to me.
Him: I think you were right.
Me: What are you talking about?
Him: I checked out the house next door...
Me (feeling the blood pool in my feet): Someone's there....?
Him: Not today. But they have been.

Earlier tonight, as I was getting ready for bed, I realized just how tired I was when the thought of picking up my own toothbrush seemed a bit overwhelming. I got through it... and got through washing my face. Then I stood for a long time - staring into the mirror. I could see the effects of the past year. Stress, sleep deprivation, miserable attempts at diet and exercise, and the juggling of daily life seemed to have creeped in. Most days, I walk around thinking "I can't wait to go to bed," and most nights, I lie awake thinking, "I can't wait for the sun to come up." I sighed a massive sigh.... then realized just how exhausting breathing seemed. "One more week," I whispered aloud in the now dark bathroom.... one more week....

Weird

2009-05-13T22:12:00.003-04:00

Today, in Florida, it rained. If I can count right.... this is only the 22nd time its rained since we've lived here (this time, that is). Its weird that its raining. And its weird that I've counted the number of rainy days.

Back to me not knowing where I'm going to live in 1 year..... today I had a suggestion that Fred and I each get to put 3 suggestions in a box, then randomly draw. Whichever location we draw wins. No discussion. Its weird that we both agreed to this idea. And its weird that I can't even think of 3 suggestions. (Would it be REALLY weird if I let you people give me the 3 suggestions?!?)

Its weird that I'm bored with facebook. Bored with ebay. (all due to being bored with school, of course) And now I stalk HGTV's website and random nonsense websites with great gossip on Jon & Kate. And HE'S really weird for being weird when he's on such a weird tv show. (I mean seriously - I don't advocate running around on your wife of 1-million kids with another woman... but come on, don't be stupid. You're a celebrity and gonna get caught. Weirdo.)

And well, now I think its weird that I've spent 10 minutes telling you all a bunch of jibberjabber, simply because I'm weird - and afraid to sleep - for still having tiny panic attacks that a tornado is going to blow my house down. Weird.

Twitter and Taboo

2009-05-12T14:31:00.002-04:00

I have a friend who was/is an alcoholic. She said that she realized she had a problem after she had spilled a glass of wine into the answering machine - and had to sit and hear the phone ring, over and over, because the answering machine would no longer pick up the call. I felt similar when I recently spilled a coke into my phone (you know, the one that holds thousands of 'I don't have a clue how to write this prescription' cheat sheets)and now have to listen to it ring and ring...unable to answer a call.
My point: I can't update Twitter unless its a rare moment when my phone decides to behave.
The other thing you should know: In an effort to FORCE my phone to work today, I removed the SIM card and licked it. My reasoning - at the precise moment I licked it - was that I could see it was sticky and still had residual coke on it. I don't suppose I considered the look I was going to receive from a classmate.

Test? What Test? I don't see a test. I see Disney. Again.

2009-05-07T21:47:00.003-04:00

Oh really, now?

2009-05-07T10:42:00.002-04:00

Ava: I think Chase is my boyfriend.
Me: Oh yeah? Why?
Ava: Because he smiles at me.
Me: I don't think so Missy.... You tell Chase to keep his smile to himself!

Timing

2009-05-03T23:45:00.004-04:00

A conversation in the car, in reference to my long-lost-camera:

Him: Did you look in her toybox?
Me: Yep.

Him: Diaper bag?
Me: Yep.

Him: Suitcase?
Me: Yep.

Him: The car?
Me: Yep.
Him: Glovebox, too?
Me: YES, FRED! Feel free to look again if you want, but I've searched everywhere!

.... gently opens glovebox. Pulls out my camera.....

Me: ...oh....

And thank-goodness he did... Check out what we did today (keep in mind - she dressed herself)...

I can't find my camera

2009-05-03T12:06:00.001-04:00

...and to say that we've 'searched,' would be an understatement...

Weather (because I'm very very very boring)

2009-05-02T05:51:00.004-04:00

Where I live, the weather is perfect for nearly 7 consecutive months of the year. It rarely rains, and when it does - its a rain-storm worth watching. Right now is the transition time. We're leaving our 7 months of 'na-na-na-boo-boo your weather sucks and ours doesn't' time... and entering out 5 months of payback. Five months when the humidity in the air is so thick that you step outside and feel as if you can't breathe. Simply grabbing the handle to open your car door is a skilled task to keep from scalding the skin off of your fingers. How do I know that we're in the transition time between perfect and miserable weather? Because, this morning, I had to go to the store in the early hours of 4am (its a weird day for me) to get alcohol prep wipes (and lip gloss, since I am revealing everything to you people)... and walking from my car (in the 1st parking spot) to the door (all in the dark), I thought - WOW! Its hot ALREADY! And, believe it or not - it was 82-degrees even before the sun THOUGHT about getting up. Its been in the mid-90s for the entire week. And for those of you who just l-o-v-e this heat... let me just say, 5 straight months of it - day and night - is quite miserable.
Why am I up? Well - Yours truly has to perform.... you ready for this?.... 600 high school physicals today. 600! Apparently - I am now wonder woman. We'll see how this goes.....

Pssst.....

2009-04-28T10:34:00.002-04:00

Look to your right. Now down. See that? Its called Twitter. Now - Lemme tell you: Until about 2 weeks ago, I was 'twitter illiterate,' so to speak. As a matter of fact - I was SO twitter illiterate that the first time I even heard of it was from my PROFESSOR! Yes, a 60 year old grandmother of 4 introduced me to twitter. And, well, because I'm the adventurous type - I decided to give it a whirl. So... what you'll see is updates sent throughout the day from my phone - straight. to. my. blog. Now, I know, I know - you are all jumping up and down squealing at the very thought of hearing from me multiple times throughout the day (PRETEND, people, PRETEND!).... but - then again - you all also know how miserable I am at updating you on my life. But, perhaps, this is the solution to life's little moments that somehow slip through the cracks of the blogosphere of life.
ps: Stellan was released from the hospital yesterday! ....and the blogosphere cohesively rejoiced....

Because she asked so nicely

2009-04-22T18:27:00.004-04:00

I've been tagged.... Lindsay over at Tales from the Godsey Six tagged me; and gosh darn-it, if she can do this with FOUR kids, I can do it.

Here's how 8 THINGS works:

- Mention the person that tagged you. (see above)
- Complete the lists of 8's. (see below)
- Tag 8 of your wonderful bloggy friends. (see bottom of post)
- Go tell them you tagged them!

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO:
- Graduation (shocker, I know)!!!!
- A vacation. Anywhere. Seriously.
- Having a REAL paycheck (not one that comes with 6% interst attached).
- Grey's Anatomy (its the ONLY show I watch in an entire week.... honestly)
- Moving (but we can't go into that, because, well... see last weeks post!)
- More babies (I think I have the baby-bug!)
- Having 'nothing' hanging over my head - like tests and papers, for example!
- Taking my kids as many places as I can!

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY:
- Studied
- Went to school.
- Stalked strangers' houses on realtor.com.....and daydreamed....
- Sat outside and watched Ava play with her friends
- Listened to my neighbor complain about her husband behaving like a child (and was thankful that mine doesn't do that weird stuff!).
- Ate lunch with my classmates (very strange for me, considering I'm anti-social and live exactly .1 miles from the school.... I usually come home).
- Brushed two sets of teeth (two times), washed two bodies, blow-dried to heads of hair, and dressed two people (two times).
- Plucked a creepy stray hair that was growing off my husband's neck! (HAHAHA! He'll kill me when he reads that!!! ..in a 'he'll think its funny kind of way.')

8 THINGS I WISH I COULD DO:
- Pass my FINAL pediatrics test tomorrow!
- Lose this stubborn 'baby' weight (ha! yeah. that's it... BABY weight).
- Find a job working all weekend, so that I can be home during the week (might happen)
- Take Ava to Little Mermaid on Broadway (might happen).
- Go somewhere FUN for Thanksgiving this year (maybe I should go to NYC and see Little Mermaid?!?)
- Get a MAC
- KNOW WHERE MY KID WILL GO TO KINDERGARTEN!!!!
- Cook...and enjoy doing so. As of now, I do neither.

8 SHOWS I WATCH:
- Grey's Anatomy (I really hate tv... and thought about getting rid of it.... but, then again, what would babysit my kid while I clean the kitchen?!?! Oh come on, you all do it too!!!!)
I often hear, in the background:
- Little Bear
- Dora
- Spongebob
- Horton Hears a Who
- Little Mermaid
- Aristocats
- Sleeping Beauty

8 BLOGGERS I TAGGED:
Colleen at The Delaney (& Waylon) Diaries
Patti at A Peek Into Our World
Janet at Student Revisited
H (who never reveals her name, but IIIIII know!) at Mama Sutra (because I miss her terribly!)
...and....um...lol... other than Lindsay and Becky (oh, and MckMama - who, if you don't read - you should. She has an amazing story to tell!), I don't read anyone else's.... but I will!! If you send me a link!!!

So, there they are!!

I penciled in a full-night of sleep on Wednesday

2009-04-20T23:40:00.003-04:00

Its my anniversary.... 7 years.... and I was forced to spend it curled up in a chair studying for a massive test that I have on Wednesday morning. Have I mentioned lately that school can be quite miserable?!?!

Usually, at night, I struggle to fall asleep... and then struggle to stay asleep. I wake up 'quizzing' myself, panicked that I've overslept, terrified that a virus overtook my laptop. Its sick and twisted, but part of the 'right of passage,' I suppose. My point is - last night - a new 'night terror' gripped ahold of me: Ava starts kindergarten 1 week before I graduate school. Though its a year away, this is quite complicated; let me explain. I don't need to remind you that I don't want to remain in Florida. And I certainly don't want Ava going to a public school around here (before anyone gets too judgemental here, let me just point out that over HALF of her Kindergarten class wouldn't be able to speak a single word of English. Moving on....). So the decision to leave Florida is/was easy. But - I won't have a job (and actually don't plan on looking for one until the following January). Won't know where we're going to live. And won't have the foggiest idea of where my kid will go to school. Like I said - its complicated, and I think I'm struggling to explain it on here. But, suffice it to say that the overwhelming thought of it all left me slightly panicked to the point that I made Fred get up and research school districts ALL THROUGHOUT THE SOUTH. Pathetic. And now? Now I can't sleep because my brain is quizzing itself on the differences in every imaginable childhood rash. Again, pathetic.

Heeeyyyy.... lets talk about something else. Lets chit chat about my child's sassy-britches little attitude lately. !?!?! I'm wanting to compare this to a tiny teenager, but I'm most certain that all moms of teenagers would revolt and clog my inbox with how their life with a teenager is NADA compared to my piddly problems with a 3-year old. Anyhow, Miss Sassy Britches is behaving like she has a split personality lately! One moment, she is sweet, loving, and such an amazing little girl... then.... WHAM!... she is angry, and screaming, and throwing herself on the ground repeatedly - in between stopping to her room and slamming the door. Those of you who know me well, know that I have ZERO patience for this stuff (unlike Fred who grows a halo and wings during these moments). Initially, I would raise my voice (not so much out of anger, but trying to communicate with her over her vicious screams), but now, I just drag her flailing body down the hall to her room and shut the door. Friends, this occurs every. single. day. Someone please tell me this is NORMAL?!?!?

ps - I'm giving Google's adsense a trial run; hence, all of the new ads you may see. I'm already questioning their content... so they may be gone soon. We shall see....

Oh yeah - Happy Easter!

2009-04-13T11:40:00.002-04:00

I would have posted this earlier - but my kid has been puking (although you wouldn't know that from looking at these photos... just trust me, k?).

Mostly for Lindsay...

2009-04-08T11:03:00.002-04:00

...because she ALMOST (without actually saying it) dared me to post 3 times in 3 days....

Ava: Momma, why do we have Easter?
Me: Well, remember how we talked about how some bad guys killed Jesus??
Ava: Yeah.
Me (struggling for what to tell and what not to tell): well, hm....well....
Ava: Then Jesus punched the bad guys in the face and told them they were bad?!?!
Me: Not exaaaccttllyy.....

Need hairbows???

2009-04-07T20:51:00.005-04:00

Call her!

www.allybugbowtique.com

A) Because they're beautiful
B) Because she's my friend
and...well...C) because there is a contest (but more importantly because of A and B)

Check out these nifty little things (there are PLENTY more where this came from - just click around on her page; oh, and be sure to forward her link to all other moms of girls):

Time flies...

2009-04-04T18:07:00.003-04:00

Time flies when you're squeeking in on one-year in school... In 1 week, I have to turn in papers for my rotation sites. The next 6 weeks will prove themselves probably the most difficult of this entire experience.... but, for now... I'm on SPRING BREAK!
We tossed around hundreds of ideas for this week. And - alas, settled on sitting right here. You see, for my birthday, we went to Disney World. I guess it really may just be the 'happiest place on Earth,' as we all three fell madly in love with everything about it. So - being the Florida residents that we are - we turned our 1-day tickets into season passes. Why aren't we there now?? Well... the crowds, mainly. Supposedly, this is one of the busiest times of the year (because of Spring Break plus Easter). And a 4 year old in the hot Florida sun... waiting in line... isn't too much fun. So, we're holding out for the 3rd week of May. Then again in August. Then in October. Then in December. (obsessive? yeah. a little)
Things are different around our house these days. You see... Prince Charming was let go the first week of March, and, well, we had to find a new niche for ourselves. He could have rushed out to look for a new job. But something inside of me kept saying 'wait.' So he did. And, thank goodness he did. Because - for now - his new role is stay at home dad. Its weird and quirky... but all together amazing to watch him morph into the one who participates in carpool, to carefully give him directions to the post office (and explain the differences in parcel post, media mail, and first-class mail), and to have him experience what its like to clean, grocery shop, pay bills, run here, mail this, call that company, etc. Like I said - weird and quirky.... but everything is going to be just fine.

Ava is Miss Chatty these days; and she's out to save the world. She informs me daily that 'jaguars are almost extinct' and then proceeds to tell me 'the sad part is that its humans who shoot them.' I nod my head, tell her she is very smart, then wait for the next 'go green' saying that probably comes straight from her little teacher. :-)

We're babysitting a cat this week. Poor, poor cat. I finally was able to convince Ava that the cat needed rest. And that the cat didn't want a necklace. And that you can't pry open a cat's mouth to put candy in it. And that when a cat hisses.... it doesn't mean you scream 'YOU BAD DIRTY CAT!' Poor, poor cat.

Consider yourself warned...

2009-02-16T15:15:00.003-05:00

If you and I are ever in a situation that requires me to place emergency sutures.... You should probably know that my kits aren't exactly sterile anymore.

They now double as proper tableware for a tea party. I'm just sayin'.....

Happy Birthday to my husband!!!

2009-02-11T00:46:00.004-05:00

Hey, if you talk to him today (which you totally should. It's his BIRTHDAY - helllo!?!) Be kind. He's sensitive in his old age. But feel free to gently remind him of just how young his wife is. Because I care: I've provided you with a timeline of his 'life' to assist you in your topics of conversation:

A) 1980: "You've come a LONG way, Baby!" As he was cheering himself on for getting his driving permit - I was still snuggled up.... inside my mother's uterus.

B) 1982: "Wow. Crazy times." He was making friends in college. I was making friends in preschool.

C) 1985: "A year of big changes!" The Navy shipped his cute little rear end to the Philippines. Sadly, I couldn't go. I had to go to Kindergarten.

D) 1986: "What a party!!" He gets married. I graduate Kindergarten.

E) 1996: "Look out world!" He has lived in 4 states and 2 countries. I'm not even allowed to drive on the interstate in Tennessee.

F) 1998: "Movin' on up!" He takes a new job in Florida. I take a UHaul and hit the road. He's 33. I'm 18.

G) 1999: "It's a Small World After All." He lands the Regional Manager job of 50-kabillion apartments in Florida. I choose an apartment in Florida.

H) 2000: "A toast to the future. Would that be a lie?" He takes me out. Orders me wine. I'm totally underage. He has NO clue.

I) 2002: "Happily Ever After." We get married. He has to rent the car. I'm not old enough.

....now quit reading here and go wish him happy birthday for the love of pete! want his number? email me!...

Pictures

2009-02-10T16:23:00.003-05:00

...for those of you with an obsession (you know who you are!)...

Everyday

2009-02-08T20:18:00.002-05:00

Everyday, I think of something fantastic...awesome...amazing... that I just know you are dying to know. And, then, well - I never post it. And by the time the next day rolls around, something else crazy and fun happens, and - well - they all become jumbled up and I simply can't recall anything. So - THAT, my friends, is why I seem miserably boring. (okay, whatever. maybe I'm a TAD bit boring!)

So - lets talk kid's parties first. We went to FOUR birthday parties this weekend. FOUR! Thats too many. I think we're going to start saying 'no' more often. Is it rude to NOT buy a gift if you don't go to the party (which is totally MY preferred method.... and I'm fairly certain that nothing you say is going to change my mind on that... I'm just askin.')?

Now, lets talk about my housekeeper. I (heart) her. She not only cleans my house. She does my dishes. My laundry. And even goes out to buy my cheap-birthday-gifts for 4 kid parties. (would it be pushing it to ask her to take the dog to the groomer??)
I sent her a text message last Thursday night - telling her that I (heart) her. (so she may be completely creeped out at this point and never, ever come back.)

Hey - I have something to tell you. (you all are totally thinking I'm pregnant right now. I'm not. Sorry.) I have been hiding a dirty secret from everyone for 2 weeks. I joined Weight Watchers. I didn't tell because I was afraid. Afriad of failing miserably. Thus far - I haven't. I've lost almost 6 pounds in 2 weeks. Super excited. And, well, I just hope that trend continues.

Oh- I also booked us a Disney vacation! One of the (only) perks of living in sunny (miserably hot!) Florida is that we live within driving distance to Cinderella's castle. So - for the weekend of MY birthday (and yes, you must all buy ME a gift), we're going to spend 3 days in Disney! Ava is SOOO excited! Fred thinks he has gotten out of taking us to NYC this summer.... he's wrong. I'm just waiting for the appropriate time to ask - you know, like when he's asleep. Then I can just book the tickets and say "Hey! I asked you. Not my fault you weren't awake!" (its a fun game. you should all try it sometime.)

One Big Happy Update:

2009-01-21T11:04:00.002-05:00

Hey - thanks for the facebook adds. Now you can gather a full understanding of why I don't post on the blog everyday. You know - facebook committments can be so overwhelming at times.... :-)

I hired a cleaning lady. She's kind, speaks fluent English (good thing, considering she's an American), and she's in need of extra money. Which is all fantastic. But... what I didn't know at the time of hiring her was that my landlord was working on gathering up her pride long enough to let me in on the fact that they were going to foreclose on the house we are renting. Nice, huh? It really wasn't a secret to us. We were WELL AWARE that she has been - eh - avoiding us lately. So, we're on the search for a new place to live. We certainly don't want to BUY a home - because, well, there's the economy. Oh - and there's also the fact that we hate this city and will be leaving as soon as possible. Speaking of - we're diligently working on a plan to GTFO (figure it out) before school is actually over. In other words - we're hoping to ditch this place as soon as I'm given the green light to do rotations elsewhere.

Last night (while looking for a place to live), Fred said something (I wasn't exactly listening), and ended his sentence with the word "that." Ava chimes in: "that," "cat," "hat," and "carpet." "They all rhyme!" I didn't have the heart to tell her 'not exactly.'

Later last night:
Ava: Momma, what words rhyme with bed?
Me: said, red, head, Fred
Ava: Very good. What words rhyme with book?
Me: look, took, shook, hook
Ava: very good. What words rhyme with Princess?
Me: hmmmmmmmmmmm. Census!!!
Ava: Thats a ridiculous word. And you're not funny.
Me: Ava, what words rhyme with brat?
Ava: I'm not talking to you anymore.
... She can be such a joy at times....

Tell me the truth...

2009-01-19T00:45:00.002-05:00

Would it be weird to be-friend your blogging friends on Facebook?? Or is that a little too much togetherness?
I'm not talking about you people who were my friends pre-blog and pre-facebook. You're stuck with me. But - uh - what about you people who I've whined, cried, and vented to for 4 years.... yet never have met...???? weird? or okay?

More on the hypothetical cat

2009-01-11T17:10:00.002-05:00

Today at the pet store, Ava pulled this out of her little manipulative pocket:

AVA: Daddy, you have to get me a cat... because... because... well, because I don't have a baby sister!
ME(smirking): She makes a very good point. Other kids her age have siblings to torture. It sounds like she's giving you an ultimatium.
FRED: I'll take the baby over the cat.
STRANGER IN FRONT OF US (to Fred): Dude, Give up. You're going to end up with both.

ps - we didn't get the cat.... and I'm not pregnant....just so we're clear on that. :)

Hi...

2009-01-07T23:28:00.003-05:00

Its me. Back in school. Already counting down the days until I get out again...

Hey - if you see my husband, tell him Ava and I want to go to NYC to see The Little Mermaid on Broadway.

Oh - I want to go to the circus. But I'm so weirded out by wondering if the animals are abused. Does anyone have insight into this?!? Seriously - Its like the time Fred and I took a 'carriage ride' through this town.... and all I could talk about was 'When did the horse get a break? Where does the horse sleep? Who feeds it? Does it get a chance to run around and play?' And - well - basically, I was miserable the whole time, worried that I was contributing to undue stress of the horse. Maybe the circus is a bad idea....

Speaking of my kid - uh - she repeats EVERYTHING she hears. And... well.... tonight at dinner, my little angel politely informed me that my idea 'sucked.' Hm.... Guess I should come up with better ideas next time??!?

Its the last of the Christmas ones....

2008-12-29T00:09:00.000-05:00

Four Christmases

2008-12-26T17:34:00.004-05:00

2005: You should know that I detest this photo. My child appears to have a clubbed foot. And, well.... for that reason alone....

2006: I guess Fred was in trouble this day... hm.... But, I'll tell you: it scares the be-Jesus out of me that I'm wearing the Exact. Same. Outfit. Hey - its red. And its Christmas. And - well - lets not even mention the fact that I'm completely exposing my child's rear end...

2007: Ahh. Do I look a tiny bit sunburned? (and shiny?!?) Perhaps its because I spent the entire day lounging in Belize on this day.

2008: My absolute favorite. When life gives you sand for Christmas - make a sand snowman.

Merry Christmas to All...

2008-12-24T23:52:00.001-05:00

...And to All a Goodnight!

(Santa has been to Florida)

Strange and Cute

2008-12-24T11:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday - our neighborhood had a Christmas party for the kids. All of the kids drew names to buy one another an age appropriate book. Of course - we ended up with the ever-so-sweet C., who is a 6-year old autistic boy that I'm quite certain is on the path to being gay. Let me say: all of the above descriptions of C. are perfectly fine with me. However - you tell me: What book do you purchase for a 6-year old autistic boy who is on the path to being gay? Because - seriously - I KNOW what he would want: a Disney princess book. But - well - I couldn't really do that to his mother, who constantly encourages him to play hide-and-seek with the other kids, instead of pretending to breast feed his baby dolls. (no kidding.) So - I searched high and low for an appropriate book. (okay, whatever - I ran to Target at the last minute - completely oblivious to the fact that we have a Barnes and Noble in our back yard.) In the process - Ava found a Barbie book that she was certain was perfect for C. (she was right), but I kept telling her no no no - keep looking. She disagreed and then shifted her claim to HER wanting the Barbie book (I knew that). I said no no no - keep looking. She disagreed and shifted her arguing to full fledged screams (which, thankfully, is NOT typical of a shopping experience with her). I quickly grabbed an over-priced Dr. Seuss book (they're classics, right?), and walked (dragged) her out of the store.
Fast forward to the party: (15 Children, 18 adults - crammed into one house.) Little C. LOVED his Dr. Seuss book (take that Freddie! who said that I made a terrible selection), meanwhile.... Sweet (Tantrum-throwing) Ava, scored the Barbie book that she had thrown a screamin'-mimi-fit for just an hour prior. She screamed like someone who had just won the lottery. Hm - I guess she won, huh?
You've seen Polar Express, right? Well - at the North Pole (aka Atlanta), we got to 'ride' the Polar Express in a 4-D movie theater. For Ava - it was a cross between hate and sheer terror, that she requested we do again, so she could see if she still hated it. But that's not my point. My point is - at the end of the movie there is the big scene with a jingle bell (those who have seen it - bare with me, I'm explaining to the sheltered ones). In the scene with the jingle bell - only the people who truly believe in Santa can hear the bell ring. Well - Ava's teacher gave each student a jingle bell. Yesterday - she came to me, holding the jingle bell near her ear - exclaiming (with the cutest excitement): I BELIEVE! I CAN HEAR IT! I BELIEVE! I wish I could rewind the entire moment and go get my video camera. It was priceless.
And, well, today I'm sure will be just as cute - as Santa draws closer and closer to our home. I have butterflies in my stomach - hoping she'll love her gifts. And for that - I will have my video camera ready......

It must be Christmastime down South

2008-12-22T22:43:00.014-05:00

I did it. I survived exams - and passed them all. I survived a 10-day "tour de South" with Ava. Solo. It went a little like this (more photos coming.):

FORT MYERS - to - MEMPHIS:
Remember this? I was wrong. Very wrong. Through that little devil - Facebook - I ended up reconnecting with friends who I haven't had contact with in over 10 years. And - well - a little plan here and a little plan there - and viola! Several of us ditched the pre-Christmas shopping for a 2 hour playfest with our kids. Ava and I both had an AMAZING time! Unfortunately, capturing 7 kids in one photo proved to be impossible - so they're not all in this one. But here's a peek at our little hyped up southern babies!

And, well, what's a little trip home without a visit to Grandma's house to see your cousins?!?

When at your mom's... act like a child. (and force your mom to do the same)(and brother, for that matter, because - hey! 2 silly adults is way more fun than 1!)

When at your Nana's.... do whatever you please.

When at Pop's... swing, play, and eat candy that magically GROWS FROM HIS CHRISTMAS TREE!

MEMPHIS - to - NASHVILLE:
Its only a 3 hour drive. If you're alone. But if you're me. And my dad. And my kid. Its more like 5 hours. Go figure.
When in Nashville, find a sucker-of-an-aunt who will let you paint her toenails just hours before she is taken to the ER (where she STILL is... :-( )

(Also in Nashville is a sweet grandpa that we love like crazy who's photo is stuck in lala-cell-phone-land. And the memories of an amazing grandma who we all miss terribly!)

NASHVILLE - to - ATLANTA:
No trip to the South is complete without a visit to see Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins (and their new kitty!) in Atlanta (now known as the North Pole. HEY! it was cold and why not spice up a 3-year old's Christmas by telling her we were in the North Pole?).

Of course - in Atlanta, we saw some 'old' friends who we miss terribly (and who will send us photos soon.... right?!? :-) ) and were able to see just how much our babies have grown up (and together) throughout the past three years.

ATLANTA - to - FORT MYERS
As our plane touched down in Fort Myers, we were excited to be 'home.' We're not here forever. As soon as we're given the green light - we'll pack up and leave the Sunshine State. But we both missed Fred and a small group of onlookers crooked their necks to watch the little red-headed girl run, at full speed, through the airport screaming, "Daddy, I'm here. I'm right here!" He picked her up and spun her around. And we were all three thankful to be in one place.

2 days....

2008-12-10T00:31:00.003-05:00

I wanted to impress you all by posting SOMETHING everyday during the month of December - but - uh, that didn't happen, now did it?

And - to be completely honest - the only reason I'm posting right NOW - beyond midnight - is because I have reached a state of caffiene induced insomnia that is making me NUTS. Finals week is a-l-m-o-s-t over and I'm truly living on a prayer for tomorrow's tests. 2 more days... 2 more days.... 2 more days....

So - uh - "She's OKAY!" (you know when it starts like THAT, then something happened): Tonight - in my exhauted, pre-caffeine state of mind, I ran out to pick up a healthy meal of Taco Bell for my family. It was all so normal. I'm tired (and, of course, not cooking), Fred's hungry, and 1000 kids are running around. So - I c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y pull away from my driveway. I felt a, uh, tug.... a little resistance.... and heard.... yelping. I sort of ran over the dog's leg. My dog. Sweet Graycie. I threw the car in park. And ran to her. Fred was already there. Aside from a limp - she APPEARS to be okay. We've drugged her quite a bit with doggie pain killers, but she ate normally and has been able to get around tonight. But I can't really seem to get the "tug" and the "resistance" and the "yelping" out of my brain.

Fred's mom bought Ava an advent calender. We explained to her that each day, she could eat a piece of chocolate. On the day that she eats the LAST piece, Santa comes! So, yesterday, I was drying my hair when she came to me and said, "Santa is coming tonight!" "No he's not." "You said he would!" "No I didn't." "You said when the chocolates were gone that Santa would come!" "Tell me you didn't eat ALL of the chocolates...."
Yep.
She did.
... try explaining THAT to a 3 year old....

Ava went shopping at school. She purchased gifts for everyone. Her teacher went as far as to wrap each gift so we wouldn't know what it is until Christmas. If any of you think that you're going to actually GET your gift - think again. Mimi has procedeed to open each gift and use it at her leisure. Perhaps we need to work on this 'giving' thing a bit more.....

And lastly (because - hello! Pharmacology test tomorrow!), what IDIOT designed the cover that goes on car seats?? Do they KNOW what is involved in taking those things off to wash them?!?!?

Okay, I'm back....

2008-11-29T09:55:00.004-05:00

I had to go say goodbye to my in laws. I officially braved 8 days of entertaining.... and, for our purposes, passed the test beautifully.

Thanksgiving was clam. I ordered my turkey and cooked the rest. I also came to the decision - no more cooking - at all - on holidays. Pumpkin pies only - because my husband loves them almost more than sleep. Other than that, I will defer to going out to eat or ordering the entire meal. Because, quite frankly, the thought of spending the entire Thanksgiving day at the beach sounded extremely nice!

Now - about cooking - I should tell you that the entire week WASN'T without incident. Last night, as I was reheating my leftovers, I went to remove an OVEN-SAFE dish from the OVEN. With a potholder on each hand, I opened the oven door. Removed dish one. Sat it on top of the stove. Ditto for dish two. Ditto for dish three. Except dish three made a loud noise. And - for some unknown (miracle?) reason - I reacted by placing my TWO potholder-covered hands over my face. Then another noise - BANG! And dish three literally blew up. Glass was EVERYWHERE! I stood there stunned for a full second, my hands still covering my face. I heard my father-in-law say, "nobody move." I slid one hand off of my eyes to survey the damage. I heard Ava cackle (just like Fred and myself would do if I weren't the one standing there in the midst of a million shards of glass) at the whole thing.
Think I can sue and get a million dollars??

More regarding this past week later. I have to go get ready. I have a girly-doctor's-appointment today. (Yes! in Florida, THOSE doctors are OPEN on Saturdays!)

PHOTOS

2008-11-21T14:01:00.004-05:00

I tried taking these for my Christmas photos (yes, there will be MULTIPLE photos associated with my Christmas card this year! If you want one - you better get your address in!), But just coudn't get them the way I was hoping (although they're still cute!)

Maybe I'm just M-E-A-N

2008-11-19T21:16:00.003-05:00

Me: Ava G! TIME. FOR. BED.
Ava: Waaaahhhh!
Me: If you continue to cry, we will not have time for two books.
Ava: Waaahhhhh!
Me: Okay. Fine. You're down to one. Keep on... see what happens.
Ava: (trying desperately to stop crying, walks upstairs)
.... moments later...
Ava: Momma?
Me: Yes?
Ava: When you're nice again... can I have two books?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Different day; Different circumstance:
Me: Ava, I just told you that if you cried while brushing your teeth, you would NOT get to play on the computer. And what did you do?
Ava (in a sad little voice): I cried.
Me: So - what do you think I should do?
Ava: Be nice to me.

The things I get to see when I don't have a Monday class

2008-11-17T14:00:00.002-05:00

This ones for you, Baby!

2008-11-15T22:08:00.002-05:00

Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred. That enough?? :-)

Photos! Lots and Lots of Photos!!!

2008-11-14T16:09:00.010-05:00

There was a table where the kids could try different foods: various apples, raw corn, raw onions, carrots, pumpkin, squash, etc. This is Ava's face after trying something.... (It was all fun and games until Ava's teacher's husband dared me to eat a clove of garlic. Did I do it?? YES I DID!)

Food trying table.

Hayride, Baby!

Macaroni Necklace time!

A Momma Keepsake at its finest!

Who knew there was such a thing as REAL ground cornmeal?!?

Its homemade applesauce guys! For Christmas - I want one of these thingys!

Woodworking!

My little Indian!

Some music by the Florida fire, perhaps?

Her daddy always said he wanted a log home!

And she reminds me of her daddy in this picture... so determined to get it perfect! :-)

She's getting ready to plant some seeds!

Its not an apple tree - but, rather, a tomato plant. (despite my begging her to choose the pumpkin seeds!)

My happy girl!

And finally... a sleepy photo after the festival.... AND after a trip to Sephora on the way home. :-)

Internet

2008-11-11T21:47:00.002-05:00

Thank God Ava doesn't know how to enter my credit card number. She is totally internet independent. At age 3. She knows how to sign on, type www.playhousedisney.com OR www.barbie.com (I guess I should also be thanking God that she doesn't know how to type anything else!), and clicks away at games. We literally have to set a timer to limit her on here - otherwise she would become entranced in the brain-mush-pot a.k.a. the internet. But tonight? Tonight she decided to 'add to cart' on Barbie.com. Please see: Thank God Ava doesn't know how to enter my credit card number.

There IS a Santa. And I'm Old.

2008-11-07T20:23:00.002-05:00

Santa Rocks. I mean.... seriously... what's better than actually having Santa come to your house? Having a kid and using Santa as a threat in every situation you deem necessary.
Me: Hey! Do I need to write Santa a letter?
Ava: Noooo! I'll stop crying. P-l-e-a-s-e don't tell Santa.

You know you're old when:
For the first time in MONTHS, I don't have a test on Monday. To celebrate: my classmates were going out tonight and getting blitzed. Me? I downed 2 Tylenol PMs. They'll figure it out someday.....

Speaking of school: Click here. (If - by watching this - you think we actually have fun, its because the portions where our professors treat us as if we're in boot camp and the segments where we throw up before exams were edited out.

whatever.

2008-11-05T09:22:00.002-05:00

I passed the test that I wasn't prepared for. Barely. But - hey - who's keeping THAT close of a score.
I have another one tomorrow. And the thought of opening another book to study makes me feel a wee bit nauseated.

Hey! Today was my first time - ever - dropping Ava off at school. Uh - She cried. Something that she DOESN'T do with her dad.

Check out THIS conversation:
Me(2:30 am): Fred? Is that you?
Fred (who had been out with MY classmates): Yeah. Sorry for being so loud.
Me: Who's the new President?
Fred: That was today? I don't know. Probably Obama.
Me: Nevermind.
..... 6:30 am, the alarm clock goes off.....
Fred: Who's the new President?
Me: No clue. Probably Obama.
.... 7:45 am......
Me: I guess we should figure out who won, so we don't sound like complete idiots all day.
Fred: Who cares. Probably Obama.
..... 8:30 am........
Me (via phone): I heard on the radio that Obama won.
Fred: Probably.

- Didn't I tell you we were the most un-political family that you'd EVER meet? -
(But I did manage to score TWO 'I voted' stickers yesterday.)

Test. Death. No-Vote.

2008-11-03T01:10:00.003-05:00

Hey. I have a test tomorrow (make that "today.") Shocker, I know. Yet- I'm so unbelievably, ridiculously, obscenely NOT prepared. So - um - I'm gonna just sit here and tell you all about it instead of actually DOING something about it. Like it? good.
Oh - here's what I wanted to tell you. I tried - desperately tried - to post something from my new fangled, high-class phone today. But, well, I suck at the new-fangled, high-class phone and couldn't figure it out. BUT... what I was WANTING to post was a photo. A photo of my kid at the.... SEVENTH furniture store of the day. Uh - she was doing gymnastics on the back of a $3000 sofa.
Okay, so you all know my theories on ghosts and hauntings. Well, the ghost-drama has significantly died down (no pun intended there) since we moved. But - I do have a weird story. I have a friend who is dying of cancer. And while I definitely refer to her as "my friend," I haven't exactly been such a great one, considering the fact that I KNOW she's dying and haven't called her since April. However, I DID know that her family had set up a blog-type of thing online to keep everyone posted on her progress. And - well - last night I was thinking about her and searched all over google and yahoo for that webpage. Couldn't find it. Then - this morning - in my Inbox - was an e-mail from one of her family members that I had never met.... stating that Beth had been talking about me and wanted to make sure I knew she was sick.
So - um - Is this some sort of sign? or just weird coincidence?
And - because I can't begin with "test" and end with "death (which are increasingly synonymous)" I just want you all to know what a fantastic citizen I am. Starbucks is offering free coffee in exchange for the "I Voted" sticker. And that almost became the SOLE reason for me heading out to participate in the "it totally doesn't matter, but I'll let you all play along because it makes you feel important" election. But I won't do that. I won't vote just to get a free cup of Starbucks. That would be wrong. I might - however - borrow a classmate's sticker....

Time out....

2008-10-30T18:43:00.002-04:00

Dave changed his mind: He wants to grow peanuts. I'm back on with the apples.

I had a test today. (For those of you keeping score: I have a test nearly everyday.) I am officially the world's best test gusser. This semester, I started saying prayers before each test. Its quirky; and my fantastic classmates giggled - at first. But slowly.... one by one..... they keep asking to be added into that prayer. And while I'm certain no one would 'blame' God for a test gone awry.... Thus far, if your name is on my-infamous-prayer-list before each test - you pass. Granted - we're all neurotic and study nearly 16 hours each day. Oh - and I have my 'good luck' pencil, which I guard.

An Orchard

2008-10-29T04:57:00.003-04:00

Dave (who sits next to me in class): What are you looking at?
Me (not taking my eyes away from the computer): Houses.
Dave (looking over my shoulder): They look more like.... cabins.
Me (still clicking through floorplans): Yeah.
Dave: You want to live in a cabin?
Me: Maybe.
Dave: ...... and do what?......
Me: Grow apples.
Dave: Seriously?
Me: Why not?
Dave: Because - its weird. How will you make money?
Me: I'll sell apples. Apple pie. Applesauce. Apple butter. The possibilities are endless.
Dave sits down, and opens up his laptop. A few moments later - I glance over.
Me: What are you doing?
Dave: I'm looking at cabins.
Me: No way! Thats MY thing. Not yours. You're going to save lives. I'm growing the apples.
Dave: Naaaa. Growing apples is WAY better than med school.
.... I'm totally switching to a vineyard now......

Hello? Its Me....

2008-10-26T00:53:00.002-04:00

Every now and then I think of shutting down the Blog Shop permanently. I'm so overwhelmed and so mentally drained that at the day's end, I can barely put two words together, much less two sentences. But then.... on random late nights such as this.... I read through old posts and realize that I'm not writing for other people, but, rather for myself. A journal, if you will. I've just chosen to make it public. And I delight myself in reading about things that Ava has said or done in the past... things that I may be lost forever if not for being written here. So - I'll continue, randomly and quite possibly BORINGLY (is that a word? Janet...???).
School is no longer an adventurous undertaking that will shove me into a world of super-mom and superwoman, all coiled into one. Its more like trying to take a sip of water from a fire hydrant. I miss the cool fall weather, the mountains, and the changing of leaves. But I'm hanging in there. One test at a time... I'm knocking them out.
Ava made the transition into her new school beautifully. Just as I imagined - she LOVES it. I think her teacher is - by far - the most fantastic teacher I have ever seen, and Ava tries desperately to be just like her.
I found a ballet class - and, what do you know.... she doesn't like it. I think its the time. Its on a Thursday afternoon.... after school.... and I think she's just 'over' it at that point. She wants to play with her friends. Not go to ballet. Unlike gymnastics - which is on a Monday.... when she's been home with Fred all day. I'm going to try to 'push' her through until Christmas. If she still doesn't like it at that point - then I'll let her stop, and hopefully try again next fall.
A few weeks ago, Ava's school allowed each class to participate in a mock election. Lol. She chose Obama. Before any of you think that we had an influence on that - lemme tell you - we didn't. We are the most anti-political family you'll meet, which is quite ironic, considering that yours truly was a Political Science major the first time around. So - I guess what I'm saying is: Been there. Done that. Have the internship and the degree. And I STILL think politics is a crock of crap. As a matter of fact - I know it is. Will I vote? No. Are you going to change my mind on that? No. (Please see "crock of crap" statement.)
Ohhh - speaking of crock of crap: Guess who had a 10-year high school reunion??? Yay me. Did I go? No. Why? Because I think its a crock of crap (I think you should all use that phrase sometime tomorrow. Let me know when you do.). I mean - seriously - anyone who I care to see - I stayed in contact with. And I talk to those people frequently. The others - well - I don't really care. And apparently, neither did the Class of 1998, as only 40 people out of 300 showed up. The pictures, however, were classic.
Speaking of Class of 1998, a friend of mine asked me the other night how old I was. "27." Fifteen minutes later, I was stunned. "I'm 28!" OMG. Did I just forget my age???? Creepy.
Oh, Hey - there is a little fancy drug out there called Retin-A. If you use it - ACTUALLY use it - your skin burns, peels off in sheets, and stings like a mo-fo. But - in the end - all of your adult-stressed-induced acne miraculously goes away. (When I say 'burns' and 'stings,' I mean - try sticking your face into a pot of boiling water. Only THEN will you be able to simulate the intensity of 'burn' and 'sting' I'm referring to.)
Oh, and guess who got her white coat? Ta-da. See, I'm not an idiot. :-) But I still hate school. vehemently. So - during the 'white coat ceremony,' we had to listen to this stupid speech about "when you button the first button, reflect on the patients that you will save.... second button,the patients that you will kill.... third, the patients that you will have to watch suffer miserably" (Okay, it wasn't EXACTLY like that... but whatever.) Regardless, it was stupid, so I made up my own white-coat 'reflection.' As I button the first button, I reflected on not getting stuck with an HIV infected needle. As I buttoned the second, I reflected on not shoving one of my professors off of the balcony. As I buttoned the third, I reflected on walking - barefooted - across 'Alligator Alley' in 100-degree weather to BEG the administration for a refund. While I understand that the majority of you reading this don't actually comprehend WHY I feel the way I do.... TRUST me. Any one of my 59 colleague-classmates TOTALLY agreed that MY rendition of the stupid white coat speech is SO MUCH MORE accurate. Anyway, I've attached some photos from that night. :-)

A time to dance

2008-09-07T23:57:00.006-04:00

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks ago on Wednesday, as I was stepping into my final exam of the semester, one of the earth's greatest drew her last breath, and slid quietly out of this world.

As I left school, I called Fred, invited him to lunch, then cut him off to grab another phone call. Somewhere in the midst of juggling two other calls, someone - my mother - caught my attention. As I rambled on and on about the test, the dry cleaners, and my pending flight that night, she quietly said, "perfect timing." It was the tone of her voice that thwarted all conversation into utter silence. As I pulled to the stop sign in front of the dry cleaners, I broke the momentary silence with a tiny "why?" As I said it - it felt as if ice ran through my veins. ... My grandmother had died....

The same patio furniture graced the front porch of my grandparent's home for years. Iron, perhaps? I recall a spring morning when my grandmother announced that she and I would be going to the store to buy paint. Spray paint. And we were going to paint that furniture. Little did I realize at the time what dreadful colors she allowed me to choose. But she did. And we painted away. A multitude of colors. I can't recall exactly when I realized the furniture was transitioned back into an appropriate shade of white.... but years later, I noticed.

There were no last-minute preparations, rushed flights, or arrangements. I was - after all - already booked on a flight that night to visit her. For nearly a month, I had envisioned being the one who would be able to pull her from the viscous confines of Alzheimer's. I had spent weeks prepping Ava for how to behave.... prepping myself for if she didn't recognize me. And then, as Ava drifted off to sleep somewhere in the dark, 30,000 feet into the air, the silence was torture.

As we stood just outside of a small taffy-making-factory in the Smoky Mountains, I would insist that we go inside - buy the biggest bag possible - then only eat the vanilla flavored ones. My 6-year old logic reasoned that someone would eat all of the other flavors. "That's a good idea!" she would say. For an hour afterwards, we would ride the trolley and pick out the vanilla taffy.

As a slew of unfamiliar faces drifted in and out of the funeral home, they each commented on how beautiful she looked. It wasn't something I hadn't thought myself; however, I guess I never really thought of her as 'not' beautiful. She always exemplified a grace and a charm that - even in death - radiated from her face.

Me: Lets go shopping today.
Her: Sure.
Me: Okay.
Her: Whatever.
Me: Fine.
Her: Absolutely.
....as we both fall into a pool of giggles....

The sun was shining and a warm breeze blew through the cemetery Friday morning. After a few unsuccessful attempts to offer my seat to an elderly friend or family member, I graciously slid into the front row. The scene itself made me wince with regret that I had chosen not to bring my camera. There - in the Tennessee sun - sat a beautiful pink casket, surrounded by hundreds of pink flowers. It was, after all, her favorite color. I could hear people behind me whispering and could feel a wisp of hair blowing across my left cheek.

"She's my girl!" She exclaimed as I placed Ava into her arms. I shot her a half-formulated 'hurt' look. She smirked and glanced down at Ava, "Well, your momma is my original girl, but you can be my girl, too.... you're just like her. And she's just like me." She looked back towards me for approval. I smiled and gave her an emphatic nod. She smiled and gave one right back.

Two nights ago, I dreamed that I was standing on the kitchen counter, trying to reach something in the back of the cabinet. When I turned around, there she was. I began chatting with her about her death and trying to describe the scene at the cemetery. She giggled as I delighted her in stories about the people who had stopped by the funeral home. It was as close to having her back as I'll ever get. And - just like in real life - she once again faded out with the dream....

Me: Lets see how many times I can tell you I love you.... I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you ..... I'm going to keep saying it.... but not out loud, just in my brain. I'll tell you when I stop.
Her: Okay... Go!

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. ...just so you know, Ms. Sally, Marietta, Chicken Wing, Pooty Pootwell, Meemaw, Meems.... I still haven't said "stop."

Happy 3rd Birthday

2008-08-09T13:55:00.003-04:00

My Precious Ava,
I'm several days late on this, but it doesn't mean that I haven't thought about it. You turned 3 last week! It was - by all accounts - one of the most thrilling moments in your life, thus far. I've jokingly referred to the past 30 days as your 'birthday month,' because everything you say and do seems to revolve around turning 3 and having a birthday party.
You're growing up so quickly! I tease you by constantly asking you to "Please stop growing," and you split into giggles while saying, "Momma, I have to!" And I know you're right this time.
You've adjusted beautifully to our recent move and are the social butterfly of the neighborhood. Your favorite time of the day is when we go outside each afternoon and you run and play with all of the other kids. Each night - when you say your bedtime prayers - you mention each one of them by their name.
You've become quite the comedian, and your father and I now realize that we may have to begin using caution when speaking around you. You love to say things like "are you kidding me?" and "for crying out loud!" Just the other day - you weaseled your way out of trouble by slyly saying, "Who do you think you are?" At first, I didn't find this too funny.... but when I answered "Your mother!" You replied back with "And just where did you come from?!?" I may have been able to keep a straight face if I didn't hear your dad make a miserable attempt at muffling a laugh. Instead the entire situation went downhill and we were all laughing hysterically.
You're smart and can rival the intelligence of any kindergartner! You can also sing the entire chorus of Baby Got Back, thanks to your mom's fabulous teachings.
You love anything pink or purple. We've recently initiated a 'game' with you to try to keep you in YOUR bed at night. 2 weeks. That's how long you have to do it. And we'll buy you a "purple" television for your room. Last night, I felt sorry for you and almost climbed into YOUR bed. After all, all you want to do is snuggle with someone.
You still drag around that pink blankie that was given to you the day you were born. Its torn and tattered, and has lost all 'cuteness.' But I won't take it away. There are times when I recommend that you not take it inside somewhere, and you usually concede. But at night.... you cling to blankie for hours.
You hate bathtime. The mere mention of taking a bath sends you into fits of screams.... and you usually try to hide somewhere. Its exhausting. And I'm hoping that you will eventually learn that you're fighting a losing battle. But until then....
You amaze me with your astuteness regarding my return to school full time. You understand the concept of a 'test,' and will frequently ask me if I have a test tomorrow. Each morning - when you tell me that you don't want to go to school, you're looking for me to say "me either!" Then.... we sit on the couch until I playfully drag myself to the door, begging you to go to school first. You giggle and playfully push me out the door, smothering me in one-million hugs and kisses. Each afternoon, when I get to pick you up - you never fail to squeal with delight and come running, chatting incessantly about your day.
School has gotten easier for you since we moved you back down to the 2/3 year old class. However - in one week, you're moving to a new school. This was, in fact, the plan all along.... we just had to wait for you to turn 3. You're going to LOVE the new school, I just know it! The playground is awesome and the teachers are fantastic.
You have a crazy kind of love for gymnastics! I can't get over it! You constantly tell strangers about gymnastics and offer to demonstrate cartwheels and rolls. In helping to teach you.... at nearly 30 years old..... I have perfected my own cartwheel, and we'll spend hours outside - doing cartwheels all over.
You've asked several times to go to ballet class. I'm not sure if you've learned about 'ballet class' from a friend at school, but I'm frantically searching for a class that isn't at 10:00 in the morning. I'm trying, Sweet Girl.....
Thank-you, Precious Ava, for being the most fabulous little girl! You're beautiful, smart, and charming. You have a huge heart - and love your family and animals with every ounce of it! I've had the most amazing 3 years with you - and smile proudly when I realize everything we've been through together! Take a look around you, Baby Girl, this world is huge and you've already made your mark on it! If anybody can change it for the better - you can. You've already changed mine for the better....
"I love love love love love love love love you! a big one!"
Love,
Mom

Hello? - This is for you, Mom... who wanders aimlessly through old posts....

2008-07-25T14:12:00.003-04:00

I'm still here. Trudging through endless sleepless nights. Burried in papers and books. Addicted to caffiene.
How about that Ava?

Sometimes you get an old hand-me-down e-mail

2008-06-30T05:18:00.004-04:00

An excerpt from an e-mail to a friend: (edits in parenthesis)

-----You know - when I read the subject (of your e-mail) I wondered for a second if the e-mail would a sarcastic slam about me taking (so long) to check email. :-) If it makes you feel any better - I don't check my aol mail anymore either. lol Or my voicemails. And - hey - while I'm at it - I haven't actually checked my postal mail in nearly a week.

THAT is how crazy things have gotten.

Yes, I still like school. I enjoy the friendships that are there. However - the pace of the education scares the daylights out of me. Not only that - but the amount of information that we MUST know scares me, too.

I typically get up around 3am, study, do laundry, clean;.... shower and go to school.... leave school and go stright to pick up Ava, come home and try to spend a quality 2 hours with her (although, I usually slip something to study beneath the coloring books!), then - as soon as Fred gets home - I bolt. Somewhere. Anywhere. So that I can study. I come home around 10:30, get ready for bed, then lay in bed and study until about midnight. I crash - because i can't hold my eyes open anymore.... and wake up feeling like I've been slammed against a brick wall..... only to lather, rinse, and repeat the entire sequence of events. Over and over and over. And the fact that I have to maintain this pace for such a long time.... yeah, that scares me, too. But.... thats where the calssmate-friendships come in. We're all exhausted. And I guess we all expected to be. But - I just don't think we expected it THIS soon in the course of things. So - we keep trucking along. Misery loves company, right? :-)

I'm liking Florida a little better. A little. But, then again, I really don't deal with 'Florida' too much. I live/work/study (notice there was no mention of the word 'play' in there!) in a 1-square mile area. The only catch is - so do the other 60 classmates. Great when you're studying together - not-so-great when they know (by the lights in the windows) what time you went to bed, when you hang new curtains, etc. YES.... we all live THAT closely together. As a matter of fact.... my bedroom window overlooks the apartment complex that houses nearly 50 of the others. I can almost guarantee that if I were to stare out of the window for 5 minutes - I would see at least 2 people I know. Walking their dog, swimming, running, coming/going, etc. It is - in every aspect - insane.------------

Are you dying of anticipation yet??

2008-06-03T21:58:00.002-04:00

Sorry not to post at the end of Day 1.... but, seriously.... I hadn't been up THAT early in a LONG time. I wish I had exciting news to share, but I really don't. All in all - school has been exquisitely boring, thus far. The entire week has been dedicated to 'orientation.' And, well, as of today, my surrounding classmates re-dedicated the entire week to secretly playing tic-tac-toe. Thank God we have our wireless connections set up tomorrow - because we may further dedicate the week to instant messaging. I mean, come on... does a classroom of highly qualified med students REALLY need to be talked to about campus security, sexual harrassment, and - above all - asked if we know what a THESAURUS is?!?! I repeat: tic-tac-toe.

The two interesting things I do have to report are: 1) I have been well versed on how to hypnotize myself before an exam. As soon as it actually works, I'll teach you how. 2) If my group's plane crashes in the sub-arctic - and I only have scraps of 15 remaining things - I will survive. It was 'proven' in my team-building session yesterday.

So - I'll try to report more tomorrow.... but I don't imagine this week is going to provide much entertainment. We'll see.... After all, in 'Team Building #2,' we're filming a commercial tomorrow.

And THAT, my friends, is what your clinicians are doing in the months before cutting into your chests. Scary? slightly.....

Um.....

2008-06-01T23:07:00.000-04:00

Um.... Um.... SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad day

2008-05-28T15:22:00.004-04:00

I'm pissed:
1) I'm pissed because there were no cokes in this house when I woke up. If that makes me a junkie - well, then, whatever.
2) I'm pissed because the sign at the salon said women's haircuts were $22. I was charged $45 because my hair is longer. As if there is ANY difference! (As a matter, of fact, I was SO pissed that I refused to pay anymore than $22. Yeah, there was kinda a scene.)
3) I'm pissed because my kid was FANTASTIC at the doctor - then they had to go ruin it by slamming two shots into her. Seriously, I SHOULD have insisted on bringin her back one day later this week - just so we could continue to harp on the 'positive' experience of the first part of the visit. Pediatricians are - for the most part - stupid, by the way. And impatient. And arrogant. (shut up - I'm pissed, I get to say whatever I want.)
4) I'm pissed that I can't find my mailbox key.
5) I'm pissed that Fred won't answer his phone, so I can ask him where it is.

Now - if you will all excuse me.... I'm pissed because I can't find anything to put my vodka in!

One week to go

2008-05-25T17:30:00.002-04:00

I have one more week of 'freedom.' Thats it. One week until school starts. ONE. Have I bought a book? Nope. Stethescope? Negative. Otoscope (don't lie. you all totally think I'm cool now.)? Uhhh - no. Don't have it (but you WILL think I'm cool when I DO purchase that little peice of equipment that totally squelches the idea of money to buy a pair of diamond earrings!). Hey... I did pick up a digital thermometer today. So - officially - I HAVE bought something for school. I let Ava pick it out. So.... open wide and place this purple thermometer under your tongue. I allowed rainbow band-aids, as well (i don't believe in band-aids, by the way. my kid has actually never had one. but, whatever). I did - however - draw the line when she chose a 'Hannah Montanna' equipment bag.
But this week.... THIS week, I'm buying lots of things. I'll SHOW you photos as I get them. (Pretend to be excited!)
Okay, so-
we just got back from Atlanta. We paid a re-visit for a high school graduation. It was great and nice to see everyone. But - really - I don't miss the actual 'place.'
Oh - is it stealing if you're in Walmart and your kid has carried around a toy - that you KNOW you didn't bring IN the store.... and when you get to the check out counter, the lady says, "uh... 'dis don't have no price tag. she can just keep it as far as I concerned." ??? Stealing???

Know Who I LOVE?

2008-05-19T21:38:00.002-04:00

My FABULOUS new sister in law.........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:-)

Here - look at her....

pretty, huh?
Now - go make out with her. Because, you know, she just read wher I referred to her wedding as 'stupid.' Which I didn't REALLY mean to call stupid. Nor did any of you MORONS who agreed with me... right???

So - go kiss her. And slap me, would ya?

Top 3 Reasons I'm in Love With Her

2008-05-15T00:57:00.004-04:00

3) Me (noticing that there was no tiolet tissue): Ava, did you wipe your booty?
Her: A little bit on my shirt.

2) Me (working on teaching her where we live): Ava, Where do you live?
Her: Target.

1) Her (to little Adam, accompanied by a swift kick in his shin): "Take THAT Evil-Doer!"

Thank-you, God, for drugs and Ava :-)

2008-05-05T23:02:00.003-04:00

I'm better. A clawing, fighting, battling better. Maybe its the quick death of a new birth control pill, maybe the slowly-filling itinerary, or maybe its just the bottle of antidepressants that I've hoarded away since post-partum days. Regardless, I'm better.

And to cheer up everyone - try a dose of this:

This was Ava's bedtime prayer tonight:

"God, Thank-you for my mommy, daddy, and friends. Help me to be a good girl... and... and... hold on a minute, God, I need to scratch my butt... (scratch, scratch)... and... and... what else, mom?"

Two Weeks Into Fort Myers

2008-04-26T19:31:00.004-04:00

Two Weeks Into Fort Myers, and it still hasn't rained. Not a drop. The weather has remained beautiful and sunshiney. There is an unbelievable breeze that blows. Constantly. And - if not for that - it may be on the verge of being downright hot.

Two Weeks Into Fort Myers, and I am still on the same tank of gas that I filled the day we got here. That is an unbelievable concept for a girl that just came from Atlanta.

Two Weeks Into Fort Myers, and Fred still doesn't have a job. He tries. My goodness, does he try! But the 'beach life,' so to speak, just doesn't operate at the speed we would like for it to.

Two Weeks Into Fort Myers, and I've walked more than I probably did the entire year, last year. We walk everywhere. HomeDepot. Target. WalMart. You name it - its within walking distance.

Two Weeks Into Fort Myers, and all of the boxes are unpacked. Well, the ones that are going to be unpacked. The remaining - 50? - will stay packed.

Two Weeks Into Fort Myers, and I feel myself sinking. I feel isolated. I feel lonely. I feel like a girl who is trapped inside of her house - all day - with a husband and two-year old. I know it doesn't sound bad. And it shouldn't be. But it is. A spell of 'depression' always is. And I've been fighting it for nearly 4 days. Feeling like I'm clawing my way out. But I don't feel very successful. And, today, when I let it out.... it all came out. The tears, the sobbing, the fear. And I have absolutely NO reason for it. But - it is what it is....

Two Weeks Into Fort Myers, and I feel like I have an eternity to go before school begins....

This little girl....

2008-04-22T10:53:00.003-04:00

...told her father to 'turn on the damn light' last night.

A Pretty Girl and Her Ice Cream

2008-04-19T21:28:00.002-04:00

Go ahead and call Child Protective Services. I deserve it

2008-04-18T08:59:00.003-04:00

Ava knows the 'chorus (if there IS such a thing)' to Baby Got Back (Okay.... lets be fair... I omitted the line: "I got sprung!" Come on, I'm not THAT bad of a mom.)

Guessing Game

2008-04-17T00:18:00.002-04:00

Go ahead.... guess what happens when you dilly-dally with moving the water service into YOUR name? Go ahead... guess. I have time... I'm wating for the ice to boil right now....

Strike 1

2008-04-16T12:10:00.003-04:00

One of the disadvantages of living in such a tight-knit little neighborhood is that when you're playing hide-and-seek with your kid, who loves to squeal and scream... and the windows are open.... a concerned neighbor just may call the police, fearing that the screaming is because someone is being hurt.

More on Fort Myers

2008-04-15T20:08:00.004-04:00

There is something about moving into a new place that brings out the craziness within. We're still muddling through boxes... hoping to form some semblance of organization. The whole concept of cramming a nearly 3,000 square foot home - with a basement - into an 1,800 square foot home - with zip/zero/zilch for storage hasn't worked so well for us. We've already punted and rented a 10x15 storage space. Would you believe me if I told you that that doesn't even TOUCH the boxes that are crammed into the 3rd bedroom??

Would you still believe me if I told you that today.... in South Florida... the temperature was a mere 51-degrees? People, it was cold. It did get a little better throughout the day... enough so that Ava and I walked.... WALKED.... to Home Depot to get light bulbs. THAT is how close I am to civilization. Home Depot. Target. Bed, Bath. and Beyond. Best Buy. STARBUCKS. All within a 10 minute walk. As a matter of fact, the view from my bedroom window is of the infamous coffee monopoly.

Satisfaction with the craziness comes in the form of my school also being a view from the house - and also within a 10 minute walk.

The neighbors are nice...except little Adam. Adam is supposed to be Ava's age, yet he seems so much younger. And - according to Adam's mom - he is going through an adjustment to the new baby. Well..... I have a solution for little Adam's woes. He needs his little-Adam-behind paddled. And if he doesn't keep his grimy little-Adam-hands off of my kid and dog.................

Ava and Grace are doing well. Thank the Good Lord above that the cable man is coming tomorrow. We have been without TV for 5 days. I'm certainly not a TV watcher.... and was convinced that I could be TV-celibate forever. But the truth of the matter is that my sanity is directly correlated with accessibility to Little Bear and Dora.

I've given up cooking. And though you may THINK I'm kidding, I'm not. Six weeks into my cooking-celibacy, Fred is FINALLY getting it through his cute little brain. When he asks 'Whats for dinner?" My response will ALWAYS be, "Whatever you cook. Or Wherever you take us." Tonight, as he began to grill something, he asked, "Um... will you make mashed potatoes?" I didn't have to answer. I just gave him the 'what do you think?' look. He resorted to asking if I would open up a bagged salad and put it into bowls. I agreed, but warned him that he was pushing it. (He's still cute, though)

So - here I am. In no mans land. I don't work. Don't go to school. And have no real agenda each day. I'm trying to convince myself that these days are almost gone... quite possibly for many, many years.... so I should enjoy the fact that I am capable of sleeping until 11:00 am (yes, my kid sleeps until 11:00 almost everyday). But, instead, I set my alarm, get up, take the dog for a walk, unpack boxes, do laundry, clean, and live an entire day in the early morning hours before Fred and Ava even THINK about opening an eye.

My goal is to post a bit more regularly now that things seem to be settling in. But, then again, tapping off of someone else's internet isn't exactly the most convenient thing either.....

Fort Myers

2008-04-12T18:12:00.002-04:00

91- degrees.....
One 27 foot truck.....
One 16 foot truck......
movers currently at work.....

... totally 'tapping' off some innocent neighbor.... more later......

WTF?

2008-04-11T23:18:00.002-04:00

Oh UJJ.... you're so unbelievably awesome. My absolute favorite person. Cute. Smart. Charming. Funny. If you changed diapers, I'd marry you. Oh... and if you weren't my brother. And so full of yourself. And a miserable drunk that needs help standing up. So - I guess the good and bad cancel each other out and all you get is a big, fat, WTF? regarding your accessibility to my blog. :-)

Now - back to ME.
I have internet. Temporarily. I'm somewhere between Atlanta and Fort Myers. In a hotel. I've braved I-75 in a truck with a motorcycle in the bed - towing motorcycle in a trailer, my mother sitting next to me (who had imaginary breaks on her side, and felt compelled to remind me of the speed limit every 10 miles), my kid behind me (who only took a 1 hour nap the ENTIRE time and needed to pee at least 6 times), and my dog somewhere among the mix (who chose to give up kindness and just bite Ava for pestering her). Only 4 hours to go... but everyone needed the break.
Right now, Fred and Ava are playing a complicated game of hide-and-seek, where Ava is counting, hiding, screaming, then revealing where she is going to hide the next time. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
I am contemplating who has had the 'rougher' trip today (me with the aforementioned load or him with a stupid moving truck...), considering rewarding myself with a Tylenol PM.

Oh - and which of you taught my kid to say "blah blah blah" while gesturing 'talking mouths' with her hands?? You're SO in time out.

The plan is to have internet access at the new place. soon.
.......... okay, whatever, freaks. The real plan is to see if I can tap off of some unknowing neighbor's internet (is that illegal?). If that fails, then I'll pay for my own. Don't judge me....

News from Mrs. Fabulous

2008-04-09T11:49:00.002-04:00

Steph has just sent me (UJJ) instructions to post some news about "her" internet. (Yes, she apparently either owns the internet or has one of her very own. Never knew.) Steph says "[her] internet is down, but should be better soon." Guess she will be sending it to therapy or throwing it a party to lift its spirits.

Steph would also like for me to tell everyone just how fabulous she is. People in Hell would like ice water, but it doesn't mean their getting it.

I know everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for the newest post from Steph, but you'll have to wait. In the mean time, we can all use this blog to talk about how wonderful I am for once.

UJJ Rulz!

All over the place

2008-03-29T11:26:00.003-04:00

Two weeks from today.... we leave. Florida bound. I've only had one twinge of 'cold feet' since making the decision. It revolved around the fact that Fort Myers is WAAAYYY down there. Isolated. Not a weekend drive from anywhere, save Miami or Orlando. Forget about driving to see my family. We're talking 16 hours. I can almost guarantee you that will NEVER happen. Any trip within the next few years will involve a plane ticket. Or three. I'm coming to terms with that. I've survived Florida before. And I can do it again.

I said my first set of 'goodbyes' on Friday. I was with a group of people at an office that I've filled in for once or twice a month for nearly 4 years. It wasn't too bad, really. There weren't too many ties. And I don't see them that often. I know the difficult goodbyes. They haven't happened yet.

Speechless

2008-03-24T20:02:00.002-04:00

More than 48 hours have passed since the 'stupid wedding' occurred. I'm still grappling with words to adequately relay the weekend. The fact that the entire thing was thrown together at the last minute... and pulled off exceptionally well (thanks to Amanda!)... is a nice story. But what you really want to hear are the side stories. The ones that revolve around a tiny bar the night before the stupid wedding. Yours truly was long gone by midnight. And... apparently... was the only one. One of the bridesmaids creepily stalked one of the groomsmen. Fred drank too much and required the assistance of two grown men getting back into the house... at 4 am. The bride and groom doused pre-wedding jitters with shots... resulting in profuse vomiting from both parties. All. Night. The best man... well.... he almost made it home without incident. But the stars weren't aligned that night... and he found himself in the city jail, smacked with a d.u.i. The maid of honor and I utilized the early morning hours to medicate headaches, stall the photographer, and become well educated on bail bondsmen. An hour before the wedding, I still had on sweats, house shoes, and one of Ava's barrettes in my hair. As I raced - following UJJ - to meet the photographer on time.... we both got pulled over. Had we not been delirious from ZERO sleep, we might not have found it so funny. Instead, though, we broke into fits of laughter.

Word gets around in a small town, and by the time of the reception - everyone knew about our hellacious night. It was the first time.... ever... that I truly felt like the small town had gobbled me up and swallowed me down. The old theory, "The weekend is just never long enough," was disproved and Sunday morning couldn't come quick enough. Maybe the emotions of the entire thing caught up with me.... or maybe the sheer exhaustion did... either way, this morning, when a co-worker asked how the wedding was..... I was speechless. Unable to form the words that could justify the events. I waved my hand in the air and walked away.... and poured myself a second cup of coffee.

Where do I start?

2008-03-14T23:45:00.003-04:00

Sorry to leave you hanging. But - seriously - when you don't have a place to live..... you suddenly develop this panic stricken feeling that you may need to be hospitalized for anxiety.

Cornell called. I made the 'Alternate List,' which basically means, 'Hey, kid, hang around and give us a little while longer to see if anyone better comes along.' I read the letter. Set it down. And politely flipped it off. Hours later, Fred walked in.... read the letter.... set it down.... and politely flipped it off.

So - in the end.... while you would THINK the battle of Cornell versus Connecticut had been solved, it wasn't. Ultimately, I chose Florida. Sure, I've already dwindled away 5 years of my life in the hot, melanoma-stricken state.... and the adventure factor of moving BACK to Florida ranks somewhere among zero... but the cost was a sealing factor. Lets face it, Friends, I'm not 22. As a matter of fact, as of today at 1:31 pm, I've edged in another number closer to 30. And the thought of incurring unnecessary debt in the form of student loans - when the end result is the exact same - makes my stomach flip flop.

Last weekend, we moved all of our stuff to Florida. And because we were trying to practice the 'Golden Rule,' of doing unto others - we made the decision to stick around Atlanta for another month - allowing our employers adequate time to replace us. Little did we know that the very day Fred was going to tell his employer.... he got beat to the punch. His company went under. And by the time Fred was told - the ship had already sunk. No two weeks notice. No severance pay. Nothing. And if you think we stood there - stunned - wondering where our next meal would come from.... you're wrong. The sheer irony of the whole thing - and the piss-poor timing of it all left me lying in the bed in a fit of laughter that probably made my mom wonder if I should be committed.
So.... for the next month, I have a whole new, 'exciting' role in life. Its called sole-provider. And it might suck, except I picked up a hefty 'paycheck' yesterday - when we closed on our house, leaving us the residents of a teeny tiny cabin on the lake for the next 30 days. And, of course, the fact that I get to make Fred 'my bitch' for the next 30 days helps, too.... :-)

Ava is struggling. Its been a flurry of changes for everyone, including her. And she has changed her hourly request from 'I want to go home,' to 'I want to sit in the car.' It is - in every form - pitiful.

At closing - My brain flashed back to a glimpse of the cherry tree in my back yard. I looked across the table to the buyers and - with crocidile tears rolling down my face - pleaded that they not let the cherry tree die. The room of eight people fell silent - forcing me to step out into the hallway to gather my composure. Fred and my agent followed. Less than a minute later, we three returned - all with red, puffy eyes. Mr. Buyer looked my way and quietly said, "I promise."

So.... we're left homeless. Kind of jobless. With a confused two -year old. And within 30 days of moving to Florida. It sounds crazy. And it is. But its all on a path to working itself out. And I plan on dragging you along each step of the way. Just forgive the typos. My computer desk went from
a massive, 5-piece, dark cherry unit.... to an old end table where I sit on the floor, distracted by shoes, a mop, a suitcase, a box of maternity clothes, and a gun cabinet (wtf?) sitting within less than a foot of me.

30 days to go....

A riddle

2008-03-05T17:57:00.002-05:00

Q: What do you do when you have to move in 3 days.... and you don't have a place to live??

Gymnastics

2008-03-03T23:07:00.001-05:00

Sorry to leave you hangin'

2008-03-01T14:24:00.002-05:00

Ava and I have spent the last 4 hours blowing time. We went shopping. We went to lunch. We went to the park and fed the ducks our leftovers. And while it all sounds so leisurely and nice - the truth of the matter is this: My house is in such disarray that I can't stand to be here.

Go ahead - ask. Why is your house in disarray? ....... Ladies and Gentlemen, We SOLD it!

Exciting, right? But here's the kicker: We have to move in.... oh.... 6 days. SIX. Over 4,000 square feet of space must be boxed and loaded in six days.

Go ahead - ask. Where are you going to live? ......... Ladies and Gentlemen, We do not have a clue.

So - it only made sense that Ava and I stroll through the park, feeding wild ducks today, right??

I love....

2008-02-23T10:16:00.002-05:00

I love that its 10:18 am on a Saturday morning, and my kid is still asleep.

I love that - if we didn't wake her up - she'd sleep in like this everyday.

random

2008-02-15T15:53:00.002-05:00

Ava's teacher loved my collage. I'm sure all of the other mothers (who actually have a life) hated it.

Fred has/had pneumonia. I guess its still there..... lingering. But he's no longer lying on the couch starring at the ceiling for hours on end. And - last night - when Ava began a hacking, dry cough - I promptly picked up my pillow (yeah yeah, she was in the bed with us) and walked down the hall to another room. Because if I lost another second of sleep due to the sickness of people in my house, I was going to go postal.

I had blood drawn earlier this week (long story). Half of the results were back today (I don't get it either... the other half - the important half - should be back this afternoon or Monday).
Nurse: You have high blood sugar. Do you drink soda?
Me: Yep.
Nurse: How many per day?
Me: LOTS.
Nurse: Well, you need to work on eliminating all of those.
Me (wanting to lift my aching-teatnus-shot-arm and smack her): Yeah right. So not going to happen. But I appreciate your concern and willingness to cover the a-- of your doctor.

You know what I love? I love that I'm moving in like 12 weeks - although I dont' know where - and the real estate market is at its lowest of lows. I love that everyone asks me "Are you going to lose money on your house?" I love that some stupid lady called me the other day and asked if she could rent my house for less money than needed to cover my mortgage each month. I love that she didn't understand when I bluntly told her no (Please see: 'wanting to lift my aching-teatnus-shot-arm and smack her").

My brother is getting married next month. I'm a bridesmaid (of course... isn't the sister always a bridesmaid in her brother's wedding?). In conversation with Fred, I've 'affectionately' referred to the wedding as 'stupid wedding' one too many times. Guess whose little 2-year old mouth ONLY refers to the wedding as 'stupid wedding?'
Ava: Mommy, we going to stupid wedding?
Ava: I want to go to stupid wedding.
Ava: I wear my princess dress to stupid wedding.
Ava: I go to stupid wedding with you and daddy.
Ava: I can't wait for stupid wedding.

I have a problem....

2008-02-10T19:06:00.001-05:00

And it has nothing to do with Connecticut or New York. It has to do with Ava's teacher sending home a cut out 'puzzle piece' and asking us to create a collage.

I accepted the challenge....

... and couldn't stop....

So, tonight, we have a collage. With photos. And rhinestones. And 3-D flowers. And 3-D letters.

See for yourself:

I tried to take a 'side shot' so that you could marvel at my handy-dandy, home-made-from-craft-wire-springs:

Clarification

2008-02-09T22:47:00.000-05:00

Yes, Cornell went well. It was - in fact - exactly as I had expected. And while I wish that I could tell you that the entire host of angels and ghosts that inhabit my life have sent me the warm-fuzzy-you're-oh-so-accepted feeling, that simply isn't the case. But - thankfully - they haven't sent the 'forget about it' feeling either.

So.... guess what? I'm still in limbo land. No answers. Still waiting....

I expect to reside in 'limbo land' for several more weeks.

Over and Out

2008-02-08T18:03:00.000-05:00

Cornell is done.

I'm headed out right now to catch a plane back to Atlanta.

... Enter Tylenol PM, one more time.....

One more time...

2008-02-07T22:18:00.001-05:00

So - I'm here. In NY, again. With very little food in my stomach - fearing a repeat of three weeks ago. As I stepped into Val's home, it felt a little like what I would imagine it would feel to step back into your childhood home after being away for 20 years. But instead of saying "Oh, this is where I had my first kiss," or "This is where I fell while playing hide-and-seek," it was more like: "This is where I threw up in her sink." "This is where I threw up in her floor." This is where I threw up in a towel because I couldn't make it to the toilet." "This is her robe that I threw up on." "This is the bed that I wretched in painful, food poisioned agony for nearly 24 hours."

Big Daddy Cornell's interview is at 1:30 tomorrow. As the plane touched down, I felt confident. I felt poised...... I felt like I had overdosed on Tylenol PM.

I'll return home tomorrow night with a crazy, story-filled chapter of interviews finally closed. For that, I couldn't be more thrilled.

Swiming Lessons with an Attitude

2008-02-04T21:42:00.000-05:00

You can stop looking

2008-02-02T10:09:00.000-05:00

Fred threw my mop away.

Updates

2008-02-01T12:55:00.001-05:00

If you so happen to consider the Superbowl as the 'world,' then yes.... the 'world' revolves around me. If you're completely confused... then see the comments of my last post. :-)

Last week, we signed Ava up for swimming lessons. As the teacher lined the children up along the edge of the pool, one-by-one they gleefully jumped to her. Not my kid. She stood on the edge and politely said, "I don't want to." The teacher glanced towards me - not necessairily looking for help, but more to see my reaction. I mouthed, "just push her." She smiled and said, "We don't really like to create unpleasant experiences." My response?: "Want me to do it?"

.... Good Luck to Fred who will be taking her to her first gymnastics lesson on Monday.....

Hey - one week from today is Cornell. Again. So anyone care to tell me why my husband and I spent nearly an hour last night looking at a school in the Caribbean..... only to wake up this morning and realize that I wasted an entire hour of my time. ???

The day I went into labor with Ava, I was employed 3 days a week at a dental office nearby. A very good friend of mine temporarily took my place until the day I walked in, pushing a stroller, and resigned. Everyone knew that would probably happen. And so.... my friend went from temporarily taking my place to permanently taking my place. It was no surprise a few weeks ago when I got the phone call that my friend - who is now pregnant - had made her decision to permanently resign. Guess who got the phone call to temporarily take her place? I agreed. Everyone knows that I'm leaving soon for school... so it seemed a easy way to make some extra money before the 'big move.'

Oh, and do any of you know where I put my mop???

Superbowl

2008-01-21T18:42:00.001-05:00

New York vs. New England

Isn't that the story of my f'ing life right now?!?!?!

Cornell

2008-01-20T09:13:00.000-05:00

I guess every great story starts from the very beginning... and so will this one. The first half of my flight to NY was uneventful. I was lucky enough to have the entire 'row' of seats next to me open. I had just finished a very sad book and was considering taking a nap when things got 'bumpy.' Too bumpy. And then... things- like my airplane- began falling drastic lengths from the sky. And sort of turning on its side. This continued for several minutes. I leaned over, laid down in the seats adjacent to mine, and buried my face into my coat. Sometime later, as we were landing, it was clear - something was wrong with the landing gear. Our landing wasn't the typical 'touchdown' that people expect. It was more of a slam to the ground and a few feet of skidding along concrete. There was a distinct smell of burning oil and an apology announcement from the pilot. We would have to wait nearly 30 minutes for an aircraft towing device to bring us in.
I wasn't in NY for 3 hours and the real adventure began. I woke up - sick. Not just feverish, achy sick. Profuse vomiting. And it didn't stop. It continued through the night and into the morning. My interview with Big Daddy Cornell was at 1:30. At 10:00, I tried to to take a shower. I wound up laying - completely nude - on Val's bathroom floor. She covered me with towels, and that is where I made the final phone call to Cornell - to cancel. The puking continued throughout the day. Dehydration set in, and I experienced my first bouts of leg cramps. And they continued, as well. There were several quick discussions of going to the Emergency Room. But, ironically, the closest ER was.... Cornell. And I couldn't do it. So - as the day wore on, the discussion changed to 'should I attempt my 9pm flight?' Despite Val being a fantastic 'mommy,' I wanted to go home. So - together - she helped me back into the bathtub. She helped me brush my teeth, put on some make up, pulled back my hair, packed my suitcase, and helped me get dressed. She stuffed a handful of bags into my purse - for the trip to the airport.
At the airport, I was miserable. Two agents asked if I needed help and if they needed to call someone for me. I stuck to my 'I'm okay - just a little queasy' story, for fear that they wouldn't let me on the plane. I waited to board the plane last. Unfortunately, in doing so, I was forced to check my luggage, as there was no space left in the overhead bins. I found my seat... next to a window. The plane hadn't even pulled away from the gate and it all began again. I pulled my coat over my head and grabbed for the 'motion sickness' bag. I wasn't as incognito as I had hoped... as the sweet lady next to me gently pulled my coat away and asked if there was anything she could do to help. I groaned and pulled my coat back over my head - and continued to puke. and that was the way the flight went. The ENTIRE 2 1/2 hours. I did nothing but vomit. I used my 'air sick' bag. The girl's bag next to me. The man's next to her. The man's in front of me. The man's behind me. And then - the flight attendant brought me a handful. This continued from take off until landing... at which time the flight attendant informed me that they had called for a wheelchair to take me off the plane. Fred was on his way to drive me home.
As if things couldn't go more wrong.... the airline lost my luggage. At 2am, I sat in the baggage claim area of Atlanta-Hartsfield and sobbed.
So all in all, here are the final results of my weekend. I still don't feel great... but I am beginning to feel alive again. I've lost 12 pounds. My lips have a bruised, bluish appearance. And my muscles are so sore that I can't pick up Ava. As for the only good news I have to share.... Cornell had a moment of weakness and asked if I'd like to reschedule for February 8th. I obviously did.
Today, I'm tired. I can't seem to fight nausea long enough to eat, despite the fact that the last time I puked was just before stepping off of that airplane. I slept the majority of the day yesterday. And again today. I'm getting better. Slowly....

Thus far

2008-01-04T10:14:00.000-05:00

She has cried because we don't have 'pink' pop tarts. She has cried because I dared to try serving her the infamous southern grits.
And now? Now she has poured my one-and-only-coke-of-the-day into her bowl of Lucky Charms. And she's eating it.
I have a feeling it's going to be a long day....

Its Random

2008-01-01T10:05:00.000-05:00

1) Potty Training made simple: Tell your 2 1/2 year old that we don't have diapers any more and set a jar of candy in the bathroom. One piece for trying. Two for actually doing something. And three if you're manipulative like my kid. VIOLA! She's potty trained. Only two accidents in a week. Waking up dry, Baby!

2) Bed Time made simple: Ask your mother in law to buy your kid adorable sheets. Put the portable DVD player in your kid's room. VIOLA! She's back in her bed. The problem is... I'M not sleeping well without her.

On to other things:

The photos of our trip made me realize that I really do care about the fact that I STILL haven't lost all of my pregnancy weight. It's been 2 1/2 years and I still carry around 2 additional pounds from Ava. But that's not all. You see, when I met Fred, I weighed 117. Newlywed bliss packed on an additional 5. Not too bad. Pregnancy # 1 and it's traumatic aftermath added a whopping 9 more. Pregnancy # 2 and it's aftermath packed on 2 more. So.... by the time I was pregnant with A, I was already at 133. The day I gave birth, I weighed 215 pounds. Quickly.... too quickly.... I dropped back down to 135. And that is where I have remained for nearly 2 1/2 years. So... I made my resolution early. As of December 26th, I have been trying to lose weight. But the difference in THIS time and all of the OTHER times is this: This time I want to lose the weight without the help of processed foods. I'm not cutting them COMPLETELY. But I have eliminated them from two meals a day. Meaning.... I'm forcing myself to eat things that I don't necessarily love. So, today is day 7 of my new 'thing.' And I weighed in. 131. Four pounds down! I'm thrilled with that!

17 days until Big Daddy C's interview. (Big Daddy C is our new name for Cornell.) They're going to love me, right?!?

Oh - and what would be wrong with me if I didn't mention this: When I went on maternity leave (which ended up being 'permanent leave'), a very good friend of mine took my place at work. She happens to be pregnant, herself, now. 2 1/2 years later, guess who got the phone call asking if I wanted to fill in for her? It was an easy decision. 3 days per week; a significant amount of money. I'll start in a week...

Okay, well, I'm going to go stick random photos on here for my mom - yet again!

(Yeah, she's needy!) kidding, Mom!

More Photos (for you, Mom)

2007-12-29T12:38:00.001-05:00

Photos

2007-12-24T21:44:00.000-05:00

Los Estados Unidos

2007-12-23T17:53:00.000-05:00

Just off the coast of Guatemala is a resort that boasts a private beach, buffet lunch, and fantastic water slides. So fantastic that I didn't even realize the intense sunburn I was receiving as my teenage niece and nephew convinced me to try to go down a slide while standing up. "Come on! It's like surfing!" They squealed! So - being the utmost cool-of-aunts, I gave it a whirl. I ended up whirling my sunburned self directly backwards- head first - onto the slide. After recovering from my self-induced concussion, I couldn't hep but sit in the freezing cold water and laugh with them.
Yes, the water in Guatemala is cold. Freezing cold. Maybe it's necessary to ward off the ten-million mosquitoes that would love to do nothing more than infest me and my child with malaria.

I don't remember much about Belize. It was raining. Hard. Sometime that morning, Fred went out into the jungle with his father. They shared a 4-wheel drive Land Rover. Hours and Hours later, they returned - staggering. They were filthy. Covered in mud. And reeked of liquor. A few locals had shared 'rum punch' with mi esposo... and... well... sobriety didn't return until the following day.

What I remember most were the dolphins. Eva and Pegasso. We were allowed an hour in the water with them. They swam and pulled us along. We splashed them. They splashed back. If you rub gently beneath their mouth, they will raise out of the water to kiss you. If you shout, "Uno, Dos, Tres, Arriba!" they will jump out of the water in massive, graceful leaps. When I playfully asked Pegasso if he was going to bite me, he playfully shook his little dolphin-head, "no."

Ava was a princess. She behaved fantastically! She liked the pool. But she loved dressing up for dinner. We were treated like royalty and became extremely thankful to live in Los Estados Unidos.

Somewhere along the way, I received an e-mail from my neighbor. I have an interview with Cornell in January. In an internet cafe full of strangers, I squealed and spun Ava around in circles.

I have photos. A lot of them. And will post them soon. But for now, I'm so tired. My neck/head still require pain medication; and my sunburn is far from recovery. Did you all know that tomorrow is Christmas Eve?? Hm. Funny how that snuck up on me.

1 million thoughts

2007-12-15T03:34:00.000-05:00

My feet hurt. I just got off of a plane. I've been tromping around NYC for the past two days. In the ice. True to its history - the flight into and out of LaGuardia sucked. But, true to my recent 'fearless flying,' I didn't even flinch. I went to NY for two interviews. I didn't make it to either one for the same reason that I didn't make it to the Ft. Lauderdale interview. Because I'm being choosey. Because I can. Why would I move to Ft. Lauderdale when I think the school is substandard to the one in Connecticut? Why would I move to Queens when the school there looks as if it were pulled off of the streets of inner-Memphis ('Frasier' ring a bell to any of you Memphis people?!?) ? But I guess I had to actually GO on the trip and drive out to the school to make my decision.

There are two important things you should know about my past two trips:

1) My mom (Wednesday was her birthday. Go call her.... right now!) went with me to Ft. Lauderdale. It was in Ft. Lauderdale that my mom unknowingly took me to a strip club. (And whatever she says in the comments is a LIE. I have photos.)

2) In NYC, I visited Cornell. I desperately wanted to find something about the school that would make me reconsider it being #1. I found nothing. As a matter of fact, I fould myself even MORE in love with the school and cringing at the fact that they haven't called me. Yet.

Which leads me to this....

Tomorrow morning, we leave for Belize and Guatemala. My neighbors have instructions to gather my mail and open ANYTHING bearing a return address of Cornell. Regardless of what it says - good or bad - they're going to e-mail me.

Speaking of Belize and Guatemala....

I won't return until the 24th. I will, however, TRY to post photos throughout the trip. My kind husband booked himself a 'men only' day trip with his father. Upon hearing that tidbit of information, I politely smiled and said, "That's going to cost you one day at the spa!"

You just might meet this kind fellow

2007-12-03T22:59:00.000-05:00

I was thrilled when, "Nestor, The Christmas Donkey" came on tonight. It tends to deviate from the traditional Santa/Snowman/Holly Jolly stuff and sticks to the basics of Jesus/Bethlehem/etc. It was all fun and games.... until... this kind fellow came onto my television. Now - you tell me - would his nose completely ruin the entire program for you, as well??
Go ahead - look at him